


Progress

by Bbnabhk



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-03-08 14:25:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18896434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bbnabhk/pseuds/Bbnabhk
Summary: He wasn’t exactly sure when it had started, when he had started craving Robbie’s attention.





	1. Chapter 1

He wasn’t exactly sure when it had started, when he had started craving Robbie’s attention. He knew he had no right to it. Wasn’t he the one who told Rob that they were friends and nothing more? Wasn’t he the one who insisted that he had no interest in men whatsoever? Wasn’t he the one who broke the younger man’s heart when he told him that his feelings would never be reciprocated?

It took 15 years to mend those wounds, and yet, here Gary was, eyeing the brunette whispering on the couch with Mark, silently willing him to look up and acknowledge his presence. It wasn’t anything sexual; Gary was sure of that. But the younger man had a way of turning his day around just by shining that radiating smile. His energy was infectious.

Gary knew he shouldn’t be so selfish. Mark was going through a lot with his separation from his wife. He needed Robbie’s attention far more than Gary did right now, but still, would it hurt to just to look up for a few seconds?

Gary coughed, hoping it didn’t sound too forced. Rob looked up while rubbing Mark’s back soothingly. “We can get started if you want, Gaz. I don’t think the others will mind.”

They had been lounging around the studio for a good 15 minutes waiting on Jason and Howard to show up.

“Besides, I think working might help us get our minds off of some other things.”

Mark sat up straighter at the comment. “Yeah, I think I’m ready to work.”

Robbie smiled brightly. Gary felt energized for the first time that morning.

“You wanna show him what we wrote last night, Rob?”

Gary frowned. “You guys have already been writing together?”

Robbie shook his head. “Not much. Marky just stopped by my hotel room last night. We got to chatting and just threw some ideas around. None of them are complete, and I’m sure they could use that sprinkle of Barlow gold on them.”

When Robbie winked at him, Gary rolled his eyes dramatically. Rob’s green eyes stayed on him for a moment, and he turned awkwardly in his chair. “Let me pull up these backing tracks I’ve been working on and see if they go with anything you’ve got.”

By the time Howard and Jason showed up, they had two nearly completed tracks to show the boys.

Gary was beaming proudly at what they had created together. “What do you think?” He asked excitedly.

“I think if Jay and I bugger off for another few hours, you lot will have the album done by dinner time,” Howard joked.

Gary shook his head. “You two are as much part of this band as the rest of us. Your input matters too.”

“But speaking of food,” Mark piped up, “I am kind of hungry. There’s a Whole Foods down the way; Rob and I can go and grab some food for everyone.” He stood up and reached out a hand for his friend.

Gary watched as Robbie’s hand enclosed Mark’s and the smaller man pulled him up. He felt something in the pit of his stomach but couldn’t quite place it. “Why don’t we all go?” Gary offered. “It’ll be nice to walk down the streets and get that New York City vibe.”

“That would be nice,” Jason agreed.

“Let’s go!” Howard stood up and gestured for them to follow.

Mark and Robbie led the way with Gary and Howard following behind and Jason trailing in the back observing his friends.

“What’s going on with you?” Howard asked once the others were out of earshot.

“What do you mean?” Gary asked cautiously.

Howard eyed his friend. “You’ve been a bit off today. Are you finding it awkward to work with Robbie? I thought you guys were past this.”

“We are!” Gary said defensively.

“Then why are you staring so intensely at the back of his head but can’t look him in the eyes?”

Gary hated how perceptive his friend could be. “It’s nothing,” he insisted.

“Gaz,” Howard pushes, “we said we wouldn’t keep secrets anymore.”

The younger man sighed. “Honestly, I don’t even know what it is. Rob’s got me flustered lately, which is ridiculous. We were fine when we were writing together a few months ago and getting to know each other again.”

“What changed?”

“I don’t know.” Gary did know. They had sat together at the piano in Gary’s rental house in LA a few months ago. He was playing a tune, and Robbie had started humming a melody. Pretty soon he joined along, and they created something beautiful together. It was the deepest connection he had felt in a long time.

“Maybe it’ll get better once we start working on the album more. It always brings us closer to one another.” That was what Gary was afraid of. He watched as Robbie threw an arm around Mark’s shoulders and sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

A few weeks into the writing process, Gary had to agree with Howard. Things had gotten easier with Robbie. Gary and Mark were good writers, but having Robbie around lit a creative spark in them.

He had hoped the feeling was mutual, but Robbie came into the studio one day, walked right past Gary, and collapsed onto the couch in frustration. “I’m one bloody line away!”

The others just shook their heads at the melodrama.

“Anything we can do to help?” Mark asked.

“I’ve been working on the lyrics to that backing track Gaz played for us the other day. You know, the slow sad sounding one.” He looked up at Gary, who nodded back, knowing exactly which song he was talking about. “I’ve been writing for three days straight, and I think I’m just one line away from having it done!”

Jason leaned back in his chair. “Let’s hear what you’ve got then. Maybe we can help.”

Robbie opened up his laptop and stared down at his screen. He took a deep breath before he started singing. “We became the parade on the streets that we once cleaned, expendable soldiers smiling at anything, raised on a feeling our lives would have meaning eventually…”

Gary gripped the arms of his chair. The words were raw and emotional, and he wanted nothing more than to hold Robbie close to him and assure him that they would never abandon him again. He pushed the thoughts back.

“That was beautiful,” Gary was able to croak out once Rob hand finished. He was holding back emotions of his own.

The others were more constructive. 

“That second bit becomes about you, doesn’t it?” Jason questioned. “The first verse and the chorus are about the band, and it’s so beautiful. But the second part becomes about you.”

“Maybe if you turn it around a bit,” Mark offered. He starting singing the second verse out of order. “It’s a little different.”

Robbie remained quiet, so Gary spoke up for him. “Depends on if you want it to be different to get some of your lines in. You know, I don’t think we should be changing anything unless we have something better to offer. We are just one line away from what we need it to be.”

Robbie nodded. “I’m sorry, lads. I don’t mean to be so protective of what I’ve done.”

“That passion is what we need,” Gary reassured him. Robbie smiled at him.

Mark, however, was scowling at him. “You know what you said about me trying to get my lines in, I’m not like that!”

Gary pulled his gaze away from Rob. “Let me explain myself,” he said calmly, sitting back in his chair. “We have different tastes, all of us. It depends whether putting your taste of lines in is better.”

“I completely agree with you.”

“See, I knew you would take it the wrong way when I said it.”

Robbie buried his face in his hand, not wanting to be part of the conflict. He didn’t look up until he heard Gary having the last word.

“That’s what I love about you, Mark, is that you won’t let it go. It makes for excellence, that does.”

Mark was beaming at the compliment. Robbie smiled back and turned his head to Gary. “That was pretty impressive, Gaz. You’ve always been more diplomatic. I just leave a trail of chaos everywhere I go. I guess that’s why you’re such a national treasure.”

Gary blushed. “I’m just glad you get to keep your song the way it is.”

Robbie stared him straight in the eyes. “Thank you,” he said simply but meaningfully.

Gary looked away. “If you want, I can come over tonight and help you with that line,” the blonde offered.

Robbie looked down at his hands. “Oh, erm, why don’t you shoot me a text tonight? Don’t know what I’ll be getting into.”

“Yeah, okay.” Gary was disappointed by Rob’s lack of enthusiasm but tried not to let it show.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Gary reworded his text five times before sending it. It was silly really. Rob’s hotel room was literally right across the hall. He could just knock and see what his friend was up to, but Robbie had requested that he text first. So now he waited. 

He scribbled down some ideas as he waited, glancing at his phone every few minutes. He pounced on the phone when he heard it ring finally. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the pop star he wanted to hear from.

“Hi Howard.”

“You sound glum. Most people are usually more excited to hear from me.”

“I’ve been waiting to hear from Rob. We’re supposed to work on a song together.”

“Are things getting better between you two?”

Gary paused and thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I think so. I’m just a little worried about him. Things were pretty intense in the studio today.”

“So have you told him yet?”

“Told him what?” Gary was confused.

“That you’re in love with him!” Howard said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Gary was horrified. “I’m not in love with him!”

“I think you are.”

“First of all, I don’t like men that way. Second, we’re just friends! We both made that very clear during ‘the chat.’”

Howard pondered for moment. “Maybe you don’t like men that way, maybe just Robbie.”

“I’m hanging up now.” Gary didn’t know how he stayed sane with a bunch of lunatics in the band. He checked his phone again for any messages.

After about half an hour with no reply, Gary decided to just walk the 10 feet between their rooms and knocked. He heard some shifting behind the door. Robbie was obviously in.

“Rob?” he called out.

“Oh, Gaz!” he heard a reply through the door. “I don’t think I’m in the mood to write tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Are you sure? Are you alright?” Was Rob still upset about the band’s comments earlier?

“I’m fine!” 

“But—”

“I’ll see you tomorrow!”

There was a strain in his voice that didn’t sit right with Gary. He flagged down the nearest maid.

“Excuse me, but I have a friend who’s quite upset. He’s locked himself in his room, and I just want to check on him and make sure he’s alright. Could you let me in?” He gestured toward the door. The maid looked skeptical. “If he gets mad, I promise it won’t get back to you. Please, he’s an alcoholic,” Gary pleaded.

Finally, the maid consented. She dipped the key card into the lock and quickly walked away. Gary pushed the handle down and leaned gently against the door. He didn’t want to startle Robbie.

“Rob?”

He heard the sound of heavy breathing. Was Robbie having a panic attack? He pushed in further and stepped into the room. He rounded the corner of the entryway and stopped dead on his tracks. Robbie wasn’t alone. Up against the wall, Mark stood there with his trousers around his ankles and his hands in Robbie’s hair as the younger man kneeled in front of him, his mouth around his cock.

Robbie glanced up at the intruder. His eyes widened. “Gaz!” he exclaimed, Mark’s member flopping out of his mouth unceremoniously. “How the hell did you get in here?”

Gary couldn’t breathe. He had to get out of there. “I’m sorry,” he managed before turning on his heels and bolting towards the door. He was across the corridor and digging for his key card when Robbie caught up with him.

“What the hell, Gaz! You can’t just come barging in my room like that!”

Gary turned around and faced his friend. “I’m sorry,” he said shakily. “I was worried about you after what happened earlier.”

Robbie softened at his friend’s genuine concern. “I’m alright, mate. We all talked everything out, remember?”

“You were really quiet after that. It’s not like you,” Gary reasoned.

Robbie shrugged. “I guess I had other things on my mind.” He tilted his head toward his room. “Other things I should probably be getting back to.”

“I’m sorry,” Gary repeated.

Rob bit his bottom lip and rocked back and forth on his feet. “It doesn’t bother you, does it, me and Marky? I know you were really weirded out when I had feelings for you back then…”

“No!” Gary replied a little too emphatically. “I mean, it’s the 21st century; it doesn’t bother me.”

Robbie smirked. “A 21st century Gary Barlow — watch out world!”

“Shut up,” Gary said without any malice. “Just be careful with Mark. He’s going through a lot.”

Robbie nodded. “I will. We both need this right now.” With that, the younger man turned around and headed back to his room.

Gary gave him the most encouraging smile he could muster and made his way into his own room. He kicked off his shoes and laid back on the bed. Picking up his notebook, he started jotting down some couplets, incomplete lines about friends becoming lovers. Halfway through the page, he had run out of ideas. Everytime he tried to envision words and melodies in his mind, they morphed into a pair of green eyes and lips that were humming against flesh. Gary tossed the notebook aside and rubbed his temple.

“I’m still in shock from it all,” he thought to himself. 

He turned on the television to try a new distraction, but once the commercial break hit, his mind began to wander again. He closed his eyes and imagined a head full of dark hair bobbing back and forth, swollen lips in that trademark smirk, and bright eyes looking up at him full of unspoken promises.

The sound of booing shook Gary from his reverie. Simon Cowell was berating someone on the screen; he wasn’t even sure which reality show it was anymore. He looked down and saw his hand had traveled under the waistband of his joggers and boxers.

“Fuck it,” he said to himself as he starting wanking himself off without a care. He bit down on his lip as he came to make sure he didn’t call out a certain name.


	4. Chapter 4

Robbie plopped himself down next to Gary at dinner the next night. His eyes looked mischievous, but Gary really couldn’t tell the difference between mischievous Robbie and normal Robbie most of the time.

“What?” the blonde asked cautiously.

The younger man slid him a piece of paper. Gary picked it up and examined the set of numbers on it. “Mark got the number, but it was my idea,” Robbie announced proudly.

“What?” Gary asked again, this time in confusion.

“The blonde dancer from your last tour!” Robbie explained. “Marky said she fancied you. He showed me a picture. She’s pretty fit!”

Gary dropped his face into his hands. “No.”

“But he said you were friendly with her.”

“I’m friendly with everyone! Oh god, you didn’t tell her anything, did you?”

Robbie shrugged. “Just that I’d pass her number along. You don’t have to call her.”

Gary considered it. “I don’t want her to think I’m not interested in her.”

“Are you interested in her?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Then don’t call her!” It seemed so matter-of-fact to Robbie.

“That doesn’t seem very polite. I’ll just call her and tell her I’m flattered but not in the right place to date right now.”

Robbie snatched the paper back from Gary, and before he could react, the brunette had ripped the note into pieces. “Problem solved.”

Gary shook his head. “Next time, ask me before pimping me out to dancers.”

“We were only trying to help! What about her do you not like? Is she too tall? Do you not like blondes?”

Mark joined them, cocktail in hand. “Did he not like her?”

“No! I’m trying to find out what he does like. We can try again.”

“Please don’t,” Gary begged.

Mark sat down and grinned. “So what’s your type? Describe your dream girl.” He took a gulp of his drink and awaited a response.

“I don’t know…”

“Who did you last wank off to?” Robbie asked bluntly.

Gary blushed. He couldn’t answer that honestly. “Ehm, I guess tall, brunette, short hair, nice smile,” he listed off.

“Anne Hathaway?” Mark guessed.

“Close,” Gary replied even though he was nowhere near the mark.

“I think we can find you someone like that.” Mark liked a challenge.

“Please don’t,” Gary repeated.

Mark raised his glass. “To Gary Barlow’s sex life!” Robbie raised his glass of water as well, and they both downed their respective drinks. Mark stood up a little unsteadily. “Can I get you anything from the bar, Gaz?”

“Nah, I’m going to keep Rob company,” he said, picking up his glass of water.

“You don’t have to. This is my penitence, watching everyone else drink.”

Gary reached out and patted his friend’s hand. Robbie didn’t seem upset, just resigned. He pulled his hand back when he realized it had been lingering a bit too long. “Where’s Jay?” he asked, changing the subject. “Wasn’t he walking with you guys?”

Robbie laughed and pointed to the other end of the bar where his bandmate was sitting chatting up a girl. “He found his type pretty easily — two arms, two legs, and breathing!” 

They giggled together for the rest of the evening as they ate their meal. Robbie finally looked back toward the bar. “I should probably take Marky back. He looks like he might have had a few too many.”

Gary stood up. “I’ll help you.”

Robbie shook his head. “Enjoy your evening. The night’s still young. The future Mrs. Barlow might be among this crowd.”

“I’m sure Jay can get her number for me. My bandmates are good at that,” Gary said with a wink.

Robbie threw an arm around Gary’s shoulders. “Alright then, let’s get my boyfriend back to the hotel.”

Gary winced at the word “boyfriend,” but it went unnoticed. Robbie was already at the bar collecting Mark. Gary positioned himself on the other side of the Mark and helped Robbie maneuver him back to the hotel.

Mark was already snoring when they dropped him down on the hotel bed. Robbie worked on removing his shoes. “Really, it’s still early. You shouldn’t be stuck here.”

“I think I’m just going to head back to my room and work on some music.”

“That’s what I was going to do!” Robbie held up a napkin from the restaurant. Most of the scribbles looked incoherent to Gary. “I had a few ideas when you went to the toilets.”

Gary grabbed a pen and pad from the desk and sat down. “Let’s get to work then!”


	5. Chapter 5

A few nights later, Gary heard a knock on his hotel room door. He smiled brightly at Robbie as he opened the door. The younger man shifted his weight from side to side.

“I didn’t think you’d be in. Mark’s out with Howard and Jay.”

Gary nodded in understanding. Howard had invited them all out to a club on his first night back. “I’m not much of a dancer. I’m just watching the American X-Factor.”

Robbie’s eyes perked up. “Anyone good this year?”

Gary stepped aside and let the younger man in. “See for yourself.”

They sat side by side on the bed and watched the show, chatting about each contestant and performance.

“It was a poor choice of song.”

“I disagree.”

“You would. Sometimes I think you disagree just to wind me up.”

Robbie smirked. “Maybe.”

He slid down and rested his head on Gary’s shoulder. The older man tensed slightly before shifting a little to accommodate the head comfortably. They fell asleep in that position soon after the program ended.

The sound of Robbie’s mobile phone woke them up around midnight. Gary rubbed at the ache in his back from falling asleep sitting up.

“What is it?” he mumbled sleepily.

“The lads are back. Mark’s drunk and can’t find his key. I’ve got to go and let him in.”

Gary nodded. “Have a good night.”

Robbie smiled at him. “You too. Thanks for keeping me company tonight.”

“Anytime.”


	6. Chapter 6

“He’s been drinking more lately.”

“He’s been going through a lot!”

“And drinking isn’t going to help him through it.”

“He needs help.”

The four boys were sitting at the studio discussing Mark, who had volunteered to pick up lunch.

“Rob, I know you care about him. We all do. He needs professional help,” Howard reasoned. “You of all people should know that. Don’t you recognize the signs?”

Robbie looked to Gary, who hadn’t said a word since the discussion began. “What do you think?”

“I just know he’s come back to the hotel drunk more often than not. And I see you taking care of him, which is admirable, but he needs more than that right now.” Gary placed a hand on top of Robbie’s in support. Howard eyed him suspiciously.

“Okay,” Robbie agreed meekly.

“We’ll all tell him when he gets back.” Howard clapped a hand on Robbie’s back. “It’ll be okay.”

Mark noticed the tension in the room immediately when he returned. He looked around from bandmate to bandmate. “What’s going on?”

Howard took the lead. “Mark, we’ve noticed you drinking more and more lately, and we’re concerned. We think you might need professional help.”

Mark laughed. “This is a joke, right?” He looked to Robbie, but the younger man’s face said it all. “You’re in on this too?”

Robbie shifted uncomfortably. 

Gary spoke up for him. “We all agreed.”

Mark rounded on him. “Oh, I bet you did! You just can’t wait to get me out of the way!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gary defended himself.

“Oh no? Don’t think I haven’t noticed th—”

Howard cut him off. “This isn’t about the rest of us. We’re genuinely concerned about your wellbeing. Jay’s looked up some clinics. We can put everything on hiatus until you get yourself sorted out.”

Mark wasn’t listening to him. “Rob, is this what you want?”

Robbie looked up at him with tears in his eyes. He was shaking. “I love you, and I want what’s best for you.”

Mark nodded. He could never say no to Rob. After Jason led him out of the room to discuss clinics, Robbie collapsed into Gary’s arms and let the tears fall. Howard looked at Gary and shook his head.


	7. Chapter 7

Robbie was back in LA, giving Mark his space as he convalesced. Naturally, Gary had joined him, renting a house not too far from his friend even though Robbie had insisted that he had plenty of spare rooms. They spent most of their days together anyways, writing music, watching X-Factor, and even attempting to teach Robbie to cook.

“He’s going to be so impressed with me when he gets out of rehab,” Robbie said, examining the ingredients Gary had laid out in front of him to make curry. “I’ll be a well-domesticated man. Where do we start?”

“Here. Peel these potatoes.” Gary reached for a paring knife before thinking better of it. He searched around for a vegetable peeler.

“I can be trusted with a knife!”

“I’ve seen you crack your head open in a fountain of water. I’m not taking any risks.” Gary shoved a potato and a peeler into Robbie’s hands.

Robbie felt his phone buzz. He dropped the peeler down on the counter and answered. “Jay! Any news on Mark? Uh huh. Uh huh. That’s good, right? Oh, Gaz is right here making dinner.”

Gary looked up at the mention of his name. Robbie held the phone out to him. “Jay wants to talk to you.”

Gary took the phone and prepared himself for a lecture. “Hello?”

“You’re in LA?”

“Yeah.”

“With Rob?”

“I think that’s quite obvious.”

“Gaz, what are you doing?”

Gary looked up at Robbie who had started peeling potatoes again. He was humming to himself absently. “I’m trying to be supportive.”

“You’re in love with him.”

Gary sighed. “What did Howard say to you?”

“Nothing. Everyone can see it. Well, everyone except Rob. Even Mark knows!”

Gary rubbed his eyes. “He doesn’t have anything to worry about. Rob’s been talking about him nonstop.” Robbie heard his name and smiled, oblivious to the context of the conversation.

“I just worry…”

“About what?”

“Did you support rehab for Mark because it’s for his benefit or for yours?”

“How can you even ask me that?” Gary asked, offended by his friend’s implication.

“You settled yourself on a different continent to make his boyfriend dinner.”

“I’m being a friend. I’d do the same for anyone of you.”

“Would you?”

“Goodbye, Jay!” Gary hung up and handed the phone back to Rob.

“Everything okay?” his friend asked. “You seemed kind of annoyed toward the end.”

Gary brushed it off. “Jay’s just jealous I’m making dinner for you and not him.”

“He’s welcome to come over. I’m not sure he’d want to fly 12 hours for curry though.”

“You haven’t tasted my curry yet,” Gary said with a wink.

“Mr. Barlow!” Robbie exclaimed in mock dismay. “Is that a euphemism for something?”

Gary snapped a tea towel at his backside in response. They giggled and continued cooking dinner in harmony.

“Mmm… I’d definitely fly 12 hours to have this curry,” Rob said as they ate. “Jay doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

“It’d be cold by the time he got here.”

“We can make it again for them when we go back to London next week,” Robbie suggested. “Is it bad that I’m nervous?”

“About what?”

“Marky and I have been apart for nearly a month. What if during all this therapy and self-discovery he finds that he doesn’t want me anymore?”

Gary grabbed his hand. “He’d be a fool.”

Robbie played with Gary’s long fingers. “I guess I’m still trying to convince myself that I’m good enough for him.” He paused and said quietly, “That I’m not the cause of his alcoholism.”

Gary pulled back. “You can’t possibly think that!” 

The younger man shrugged. “I think a lot of things.”

“Don’t be daft! Mark was having problems before you two got together. You’re the one who convinced him to get help.”

“I guess…”

Gary grabbed his hand again. “Whatever the outcome, I’ll be here for you.”

Robbie gave his hand a squeeze and let go. “I’m being a bit maudlin, aren’t I? Let’s talk about something happier. That bird at the cafe seemed to like you this morning.”

Gary rolled his eyes. “Not this again!”

“She gave you extra foam.”

“I asked for extra foam.”

“She gave it to you with a smile.”

“That’s just good customer service. I’m not interested.”

“What are you going to do — sing and watch telly with me for the rest of your life?” That didn’t sound half bad to Gary. “Marky might have a bit of a problem with that.”

“We’re heading back to London next week. It wouldn’t be fair to ask her out and then leave town.” Gary hoped he would drop it.

“I suppose. Maybe we’ll find you someone in London.”

“Maybe.”


	8. Chapter 8

The band waited for Mark by the side of the road. He was walking the two-mile causeway from the clinic to the mainland.

“He’s fine,” Jason assured them all. “I spoke to Emma this morning.” He looked over at Robbie’s forlorn face. “She is still technically his wife. They’ve been giving her all the updates.”

Robbie nodded. He stared down the causeway hoping to see a head of long floppy hair. It appeared a few minutes later in the distance. Howard held a hand out to prevent Robbie from running to him.

“He’s got to finish this on his own.”

Robbie hugged himself and waited impatiently. “He could walk a little faster. He knows we’re here, right?”

“Let him have his moment,” Gary said sagely.

When Mark was finally at a point where he could see their faces properly, he sprinted toward Robbie and threw his arms around the younger man.

“I missed you!”

“I missed you too!”

He gave the other lads hugs in turn. Robbie tugged at his arm. “Come on, we’re going to cook you lunch.”

“We?”

“Gaz taught me how to cook!” Robbie said proudly.

Mark turned to Gary with a questioning expression. “I taught him maybe three dishes, and that took the entire month!”

“I’m impressed. I can definitely have lunch with you guys, but Emma said I could come over tonight and see the kids.”

“That’s great!” Robbie was genuinely happy for him. “Let’s hurry back to mine then!”

Gary ushered everyone into his car. He adjusted his rear-view mirror and caught a glimpse of two youngest band members cuddling against each other.

“Eyes on the road, Barlow!” Howard said next to him.

“Right.”

They spent the ride chatting about the clinic and catching Mark up on what he had missed during the month.

—-

Gary heard a knock at his door early the next morning as he was making his coffee. He was surprised to see Mark standing on the other side.

“Is everything okay?” Gary looked around. He was alone.

“Not quite,” Mark said honestly. “There are a few things I want to discuss with you.”

Gary didn’t like the sound of that, but he stepped aside and let the smaller man in. He poured them both a cup of coffee and sat down across from Mark at the kitchen table.

“So what did you want to discuss?”

“You and Rob got pretty close during this last month, haven’t you?”

“Nothing happened,” Gary emphasized.

“I know. I know nothing happened. Neither of you would ever do that.” Mark took a sip of his coffee. “I just wanted to thank you for looking after him.”

Gary shook his head. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I wanted to be there.”

Mark nodded. “I know that too, and there’s a possibility that he may need you again.” Mark looked down at his hands. “Emma wants to try again,” he said quietly.

“You’re going to break up with Rob?” Gary gasped incredulously.

“We have to try for the kids.”

“He’s going to be heartbroken. This has been his greatest fear these last few weeks! I assured him that everything would be alright!”

“The last thing I ever want to do is hurt Rob! And I need to know that you’re not going to either.”

“I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“Do you love him?” Gary opened his mouth to protest, but Mark continued. “You dropped everything to take care of him for a month. You obviously care very deeply for him, but do you love him?”

Gary stared down at his coffee. “I think so, yeah.” He let out a long, drawn out breath. “God, that’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.”

Mark played with the handle of his mug, trying to find the right words. “Look, I know you’re going to be there for him. Just don’t take advantage of the situation. He’s very susceptible to influence when he’s vulnerable.”

“You think I’d take advantage of him?”

“No, no. That’s not what I’m trying to say. I want him to be happy. I want you both to be happy. The last time you broke his heart, we didn’t see him for 15 years. You have to be careful with his feelings. Just take things slow is all.”

“Does that mean…?” Gary didn’t know how to ask.

“You have my blessing. Rob’s a great fella, and you are too. Just tread lightly.” Mark stood up. “I guess I should get this over with. Don’t show up at his door too eagerly, eh?”

To be honest, Gary had every intention of giving Robbie his space. That was until the younger man called him in tears. He arrived at his door half an hour after he received the call. He would have been there sooner if it weren’t for London traffic.

“I know why he has to do this, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less, you know?”

Gary nodded. He was making tea as Robbie talked out his feelings.

“I just hate feeling so alone.”

“You’re not alone.” Gary sat down and gave him a little wave.

“I know you’re here, but it’s different. Having a friend listen to your insecurities is different than having a lover kiss them away.”

It took everything in Gary not to volunteer immediately. He blew at the steam emanating from his mug. “It’s going to take time, but you can’t depend on someone else to make you whole. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.”

Robbie snorted a laugh. “You sound like my therapist.”

“A therapist? That’s so LA of you.”

“Maybe I should head back to LA,” Robbie pondered.

Gary shook his head vehemently. He couldn’t stand the distance, and he didn’t particularly want to spend another few weeks in Los Angeles. “Everyone who loves you is here. We’ll help you through this,” he promised.

“I don’t know…”

“We can jump straight back into work and start mixing the album here. Or we can go to a football match. I think Man U is playing tomorrow. We’ve got loads here that you can’t do in LA.” He was rambling, but he didn’t care. He just wanted Robbie to stay.

Robbie smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You haven’t steered me wrong yet, Captain,” he conceded.

Gary beamed. “Great! Let me see about getting seats for tomorrow.”


	9. Chapter 9

Robbie had to laugh at Gary when he picked him up the next day. “Are you really wearing a tie to a football match?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Gary had spent most of the morning choosing his outfit. He swore it felt like a scene right out of a romantic comedy where they show a montage of the main character changing twenty times to find the right ensemble. He loosened his tie just a bit.

“Hot date tonight?” Rob teased.

“No! This is the first time you and I will be seen together in public. There’ll be cameras all around.”

Robbie nodded. “I didn’t think about that.” He checked his hair in the side view mirror. “Do I look okay?”

The younger man didn’t look like he slept much, but he still looked perfectly handsome in Gary’s eyes. “Not bad. But I definitely look better,” he joked.

“Oh, of course! There’s no competition there. I don’t even have a tie,” Robbie chuckled.

Sure enough, they were stopped and interviewed during the game. Gary tried to be as calm and aloof as possible, but he couldn’t help smiling at his friend as they started discussing the teams.

“I can’t believe they lost!” Robbie exclaimed after the match. “They had everything going in their favor!”

“That’s just how it goes sometimes.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Robbie said thoughtfully.

“Give them time; they’ll bounce back. Man U always does. They’re a good team. Arsenal was just a minor setback.” Gary hoped he understood the metaphor.

He didn’t. “But Arsenal had so many injuries. How did they win?” 

Gary rolled his eyes. “Maybe next time. You want to stop for some food?”

“Yeah. There’s this really good kebab place on the next corner.” He pointed ahead. “You might be a little overdressed for it though,” he sniggered.

“Again with the tie!”

As they approached the shop, Gary felt his phone buzz. Mark, the caller ID read out.

Gary swallowed his nervousness. “You go ahead and order. I have to take this,” he told Robbie. “Hello?”

“I thought I asked you to take things slow.”

“I am!”

“Sky Sports showed differently.”

“You saw that?”

“All of England saw that.”

“I’m just trying to get him out of the house. Besides, he’s not your responsibility anymore.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about him.”

“We’re just friends. Believe me, he doesn’t look at me any other way.”


	10. Chapter 10

By the time the tour rehearsals rolled around, Mark had changed his tune. “You still haven’t told him yet?” he asked as they sat together stretching.

“You were the one who said to give him time!”

“Time like a few months, not an entire millennia.”

“Things have been going good between us. I don’t want to change that.” They had grown closer. They would make dinner together at least once a week. They wrote together. They exercised together. Robbie would even go to him for advice. Gary was happy to spend time with him, and most importantly, Robbie was happy.

“Does he have any inkling of how you feel?”

“Not a clue.”

“You can’t continue like this. If you wait too long, he’s going to find someone else.”

“I just haven’t found the right time to tell him.”

Mark crossed his arms, smelling a lie. “What did you do last night?”

Gary looked away like a child being scolded. “We watched Eastenders,” he admitted. Mark kept on staring at him, sensing more to the story. “And we fell asleep on the couch.” Still silence from Mark. “Okay, he fell asleep first, and I just held him for a little bit!” It sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

Mark sighed. “You have to tell him before the tour starts.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s getting awkward for everyone every time you point at him during ‘Relight My Fire!’”

Gary knew the moment he was talking about. Each time he sang the line “I have to say I only dream of you,” he’d point directly at Robbie, and the younger man would grin and dance away triumphantly for stealing Gary’s attention for that moment.

“You noticed that, huh?” He was a little embarrassed that his attempt at flirting was so blatantly obvious to everyone but the intended target.

“I think the security guard behind the door even noticed,” Mark said dryly. “You have to tell him.”

“Tell who what?” Rob asked, walking up to the pair. He sat down on the floor beside them.

“Tell the choreographer that I can’t get these steps down for SOS,” Gary quickly lied.

“You only tripped once yesterday!” Robbie grinned cheekily.

“My shoe came untied!”

“Rob, why don’t you help Gaz with those steps,” Mark suggested. Gary shot him a look of disapproval. “And maybe in finding proper footwear as well.”

“Sure, but Jay’s usually better with that stuff.”

Gary nodded and agreed. “I should ask Jay or Howard even.”

“Sorry, Jay and I are busy!” Howard shouted from across the room. He was flicking through the pages of a magazine as he eavesdropped on their conversation.

Gary scowled at him. “You don’t look very busy.”

“It’s okay, Gaz. I’ll go through it with you,” Robbie offered, sensing his friend’s irritation.

“Great! That’s settled!” Mark clapped his hands together happily. “But it’ll have to wait until after rehearsal. I’m sure Gaz wouldn’t mind cooking you dinner in exchange for your help tonight.”

Robbie shrugged. “He feeds me most of the time anyways.”

Mark winked at Gary. “I’m sure he’ll make it extra special.”

Gary laid back and groaned.


	11. Chapter 11

“I don’t get it. You had it down during rehearsals today.”

They had given up on trying to teach Gary how to dance for the evening. Every time Robbie placed a hand on his hips, Gary lost all sense of concentration. After an hour, they decided it would be more productive to start on dinner.

“My mind’s just elsewhere tonight. Sorry for wasting your time,” Gary said apologetically. 

“Don’t worry about it. You lot had to deal with my daily hangovers and showing up late to rehearsals in the 90’s. I should be apologizing for wasting your time!”

Robbie poked his head over the smaller man’s shoulder. “What are we having tonight?”

“Shepherd’s pie,” Gary announced as he pulled the ground lamb from its packaging. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket. “Oh, that’ll be me mum. She was going to text me the temperature to set the oven to.”

He put down the meat and started looking around for a towel to wipe off his hands.

“I’ve got it.” Gary thought he meant a towel, but the next thing he knew, the younger man had dipped his hand into his pocket and retrieved his phone.

“Rob!”

“165 degrees for 25 minutes,” Robbie read aloud, ignoring Gary’s protest. He was already setting the oven. “Do you want me to put the phone back?”

“No!”

Robbie just shrugged and put the phone on the kitchen counter.

“Make yourself useful and mash these potatoes.”

“Yes, Captain.”

They fell back into a comfortable rhythm and chatted about their fears and excitement about the tour.

“You don’t have to worry. I’m not going to fall off the platform. My concern is if the robot man malfunctions, and we end up stuck on him.”

“Well, I wasn’t worried about that before now!”

Robbie laughed as he handed Gary the pot of potatoes to top the dish. He heard a buzz from the counter and looked down at Gary’s phone.

“It’s Mark.” Gary’s eyes widened. “He’s asking if you told him yet. Are you two still on about the choreography? It’ll get better!”

The phone buzzed again.

“‘Rob has a right to know.’” Gary dropped his spoon with a loud clank. “A right to know what? Gaz?” Gary could see the myriad of possibilities circle through Rob’s mind.

“It’s nothing.”

Robbie was growing more concerned by the minute. “You’ve been acting strange all day. What is it?”

“Nothing,” Gary repeated.

“Tell me, or I’m going to call Mark and ask him.”

“Alright,” Gary conceded. “Have a seat. Let me pop this in this in the oven.” He was stalling, trying to figure a way out of telling Robbie the truth.

Robbie was already fearing the worst by the time he sat down. “Are you guys kicking me out of the band again?”

“No, of course not!”

“Are you sick?”

“No.”

“Are YOU leaving the band?”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“Are we cancelling the tour?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

Gary took a deep breath. He reached out and took Robbie’s hands into his own. “I’m in love with you.”

Robbie snatched his hands back. “If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to lie to me.”

Gary let out the breath he was holding. “I’m not lying.”

“Yes you are! You’re straight.” Robbie jumped out of his chair. He was getting angry now. “I very vividly remember you telling me so!”

“That’s what I thought at the time,” Gary said meekly.

“You were quite certain.”

“I know. I was an idiot.”

Gary’s self-deprecating words brought Robbie back down. He had promised himself when they reconciled never to make the older man feel belittled again.

“Okay, I’m listening.”

Gary wrung his hands together. “I’m in love with you,” he said again.

“I don’t understand.” Robbie wasn’t making this easy.

“I don’t either,” Gary admitted. “I just know that you’re the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. You’re the first person I want to call when something good happens. And I’ve been fantasizing about kissing you for the past year.”

Robbie raised his eyebrows. “That sounded like it came out of one of your love songs.”

“And not one of the good ones either,” Gary chuckled despondently.

“Oh, definitely after ‘Forever Love,’” Robbie agreed. Gary took it as a good sign he was teasing him now. After an awkward silence, Robbie finally spoke up again. “A year, huh?”

“Maybe a year and a half. I’ve been in denial for a while, I think.”

“A year and a half, like when I was with Mark?” Gary nodded. Robbie sighed thoughtfully. “When you helped pick up the pieces when he went through rehab and broke up with me. You were there almost every day. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t know how you would react. Honestly, I still don’t know. What are you thinking?”

Robbie leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I gave up on the possibility of us years ago. You said you weren’t interested, and after lots of alcohol and drugs and rehab, I found a way to live with that. Now you’re opening up old wounds again.”

Gary swallowed the knot in his throat. Robbie wasn’t upset at him, just sad.

“I do love you, Gaz. I just don’t know if I can open myself up like that again, not after you and not after Mark.”

Gary exhaled a breathy sigh. “Can we at least try?”

Robbie stared at him for a moment. Gary watched his chest rise and fall silently as he contemplated. As the younger man opened his mouth to reply, the timer to the oven went off.

“Shit,” Gary cursed, getting up. He had forgotten all about dinner. He looked back briefly to see Robbie still staring at the seat he had previously occupied, mouth still gaping. He dished out the meal on two plates and brought it back to the table. “I hope you’re still hungry.”

They ate in silence, occasionally glancing at one another. Finally, Robbie broke the silence by laughing to himself. Gary raised an eyebrow in question.

“You know how they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? You’ve really got that down.”

Gary thought back to the meals they’ve shared in the past year and laughed as well. “I think you might’ve starved to death without me around.”

“I do like having you around,” Robbie said pensively, changing the mood of the conversation yet again.

“Maybe we can do this again tomorrow, like a proper date?” Gary found the courage to ask.

“Yeah, maybe.” It was the best response Gary could hope for given the circumstances.


	12. Chapter 12

Robbie didn’t show up for rehearsals the next day. Everyone looked at Gary apprehensively, afraid to ask how the previous evening went. Gary himself was trying to keep a brave face, holding onto hope that Rob meant his “maybe.”

When they broke for lunch, Howard pulled him aside. “I assume you told Rob.”

“Yeah.”

“Is that why he’s not here today?”

“I think so.”

“Gaz, I’m sorry, mate.” Howard pulled him into a hug.

“He just needs time to process it,” Gary tried to convince himself.

“At least it’s out there now. No more secrets.”

“No, I’m glad I told him. At least I know he doesn’t hate me. It could have gone much worse.”

“He could never hate you. He didn’t hate you before. He was just hurt and—”

Gary didn’t hear the rest of what Howard was saying. His phone had buzzed, and he beamed as he read the message. “R WE STILL ON 4 TONIGHT?”

A million thoughts raced through his mind, but none of them concerned rehearsals anymore. “Dougie, I’ve got loads to do today. Do you mind telling the others I had to take off? I’ll be here tomorrow, I promise.”

Gary was out the door before Howard could reply. He first replied to Robbie and then made a phone call to a friend.

“Hi, it’s Gary. I was hoping I could get your help with Rob. But please don’t tell him a thing. I want it to be a surprise.”

He made his way to the shops and then back home to start cooking and cleaning. It was silly really; Robbie had been to his house countless times, but he wanted the ambiance just right for tonight.

Gary was fluffing a throw pillow when he heard the doorbell ring. He smoothed down his tight button-down shirt and looked down at his jeans; they hugged all the right places, and he hoped Robbie would notice. Sure enough, the tall brunette was looking him up and down as soon as he opened the door.

“Hi, you look nice,” he said nervously.

Gary smiled. “You do too.” The younger man was wearing a thin black shirt, just see-through enough to show off hints of his tattoos.

Robbie walked in and looked around like he had never seen his house before. He shifted from side to side, not knowing what to do with himself. Suddenly, he remembered the package he was holding and handed it to Gary.

“It didn’t seem right to bring flowers or wine, so I got you that.”

Gary looked down warily at his present. It was haphazardly wrapped with what looked like half a roll of cellotape. He carefully unwrapped it and gasped. He turned the prototype production pedal around in his hands. “Where did you find this?”

Robbie shrugged. “Guy knew a guy. Howard had mentioned you nerded out over some when we were in New York. So I mentioned it to Guy, and he had a friend who collected them too.”

Gary was grinning like a fool. “This is amazing!”

“I got a great deal on it too,” Robbie continued. “Just had to give him some concert tickets in exchange and then sign a few things for his daughters and take a few selfies. Had to drive up to Birmingham for it though. Took me all day!”

Gary had to laugh at that. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

“Why would I be avoiding you?” Robbie questioned the absurdity of his statement. “So what’s for dinner?” he asked, leading the way into the kitchen. He was much more at ease than when he had first arrived.

“Beef stew,” Gary announced proudly.

Robbie turned back to him. “That was my favorite as a kid!”

“I know,” Gary said. “I talked to your mum earlier today. She emailed me the recipe.”

Robbie’s eyes lit up. “Did she also send you—”

“The recipe for the dumplings? Yeah. They’ve been simmering for a good half hour.” He gestured over to the stove. “Go ahead and serve yourself. I’m going to light these candles.”

They ate and chatted as they had for months with the exception of Gary’s leg, which he had bravely set against Robbie’s under the table, rubbing them together every so often.

“What changed?” Robbie asked out of the blue.

“What do you mean?”

“You were adamant you didn’t want anything to do with me back then. What changed?”

Gary shrugged and pushed a dumpling around with his spoon. “I don’t know. I guess getting to know you this second time around, I can see how much you’ve grown up and changed. I guess I’ve changed too. It came on so slowly that I didn’t even know what I was feeling until one day I’m following you to LA because the idea of being apart terrified me. Even then I couldn’t admit it to myself.”

“Oh.” Robbie continued eating. They fell back into a different conversation, but Gary could see the conflict in the brunette’s face every time he looked up.

“I’ll make us some coffee, and we can take dessert in the living room,” Gary said after Robbie finished his second helping of stew.

Robbie placed a hand on his stomach. “Just the coffee, please. I don’t think I could eat another bite!”

Gary laughed. “Maybe you should have paced yourself!”

“You know I’ve never been good with self-control,” Robbie replied with a wink. 

Gary’s throat went dry. “Let me get that coffee,” he croaked. He gripped his hands on the counter as he waited for the kettle to finish boiling, staring at the bubbles as they started to form. “I’ll have to tell your mum that dinner was a success.”

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him from behind. “I don’t particularly want to talk about me mum right now,” a voice purred into his ear.

Gary turned himself around in Robbie’s arms. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked quietly.

“Something I’ve been thinking about all night.”

Robbie leaned down and pressed his lips against Gary’s. It took him by surprise, but eventually, the smaller man reached up and wrapped his arms around Robbie’s neck pulling the brunette down closer. He parted his lips as he felt Robbie’s tongue press against them, silently requesting permission for entry. His gentle moan caused the taller man to push him further against the counter, making Gary arch his back to keep contact. 

The harsh beep from the kettle dragged them out of the moment. 

“The coffee…”

“Fuck the coffee,” Robbie muttered, diving in for another kiss. Gary happily complied. 

They continued kissing lazily until Gary shifted and felt a hardness against his hip. “Oh,” he said nervously.

Robbie leaned their foreheads together. “I thought you wanted this,” he said breathlessly.

“I do. I just…” Gary didn’t know how to explain the overwhelming apprehension that overtook him.

“You’re not ready yet,” Robbie said simply.

“I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Robbie raised an eyebrow.

“With a man, I mean.” He gave Robbie another peck on the lips. “But this feels right.”

Robbie groaned and took a step back. “Make the damn coffee,” he said as he adjusted his trousers. “I’m going to need a minute to calm down here.”

Gary laughed and turned back around to the kettle. He adjusted himself as well, wishing he didn’t wear so tight of jeans.


	13. Chapter 13

Gary grinned goofily at Robbie when they met for rehearsals the next morning. He was sat behind the makeshift stage adjusting his trainers when the younger man walked up, stealing his attention.

“Good morning, Mr. Williams,” he greeted cordially.

“Good morning, Mr. Barlow.” Robbie looked around to make sure no one was looking before he knelt down and gave Gary a quick kiss on the lips. “Did you have a good night?”

Gary’s mind flashed back to the events of the previous night. After he had made them coffee, they had spent the rest of the evening making out on the couch, letting their hands wander, and grinding against each other. Robbie had to pull himself off Gary, worried about pushing things too far too quickly.

“Not too bad. How about you?”

Robbie put his lips right up to the blonde’s ear and whispered. “I wanked myself off to the mental image of you on the couch last night - legs spread, cheeks flushed, lips bruised.”

Gary blushed, but he couldn’t help smiling. “I might’ve done that too after you left,” he admitted.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you care to go into detail?” Robbie asked.

“Well…”

Gary was thankfully saved from having to describe his fantasy of taking Robbie against the kitchen counter as Howard approached them.

“There you are! Is everything alright? You left in quite a hurry yesterday.”

He took in the sight of his mates, Gary sitting on the floor and Robbie kneeling beside him, their heads conspiringly close.

“Rob, glad to see you could make it in today.”

“Sorry, had to make an impromptu trip yesterday. It was completely worth it to see the look on this one’s face.” Robbie threw an arm around Gary’s shoulders.

“He got me a prototype pedal from Way Back!” Gary babbled happily. “It was one of prototypes for—”

Howard cut him off. “Do you see what you’ve caused?” He pointed at Gary as he spoke to Robbie.

“I think he’s cute when he nerds out.” He moved his hand up to ruffle the blonde’s hair. 

Howard turned his attention back to Gary, his eyes and smirk asking a silent question. Gary nodded sheepishly, confirming his suspicions. “Well it’s about damn time! I’m happy for you two!”

“Wait, you knew too?”

“Rob, everyone knew.”

“And no one thought to tell me?!”

“Gaz kept saying he was waiting for the ‘right moment,’” Howard mocked. “Though I’m pretty sure the right moment was about two years ago.”

Robbie turned to Gary in disbelief. “If I hadn’t had picked up your phone, would you have told me?”

“Eventually, maybe.”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “Gary Barlow, master of seduction.”

“He likes to play the long game,” Howard joked. “The very long game.”

“I guess we need to thank Marky for sending that text.”

“Did I hear I needed to be thanked for something? I love being thanked!” Mark popped his head up from the other side of the stage. He walked over to his bandmates with a grin on his face. “What have we here?”

“Well,” Howard started to explain, “I don’t know the details, nor do I want to, but I think these two had a proper good time with each other last night.”

“That’s wonderful!” Mark was practically bouncing. “I knew you just needed a push in the right direction.”

“Thanks, Marky.” Gary couldn’t help but smile. “Now, let’s get to work!”

“I feel like we’re forgetting something,” Robbie commented. He shrugged. “It’ll come to me.”

Later, when they broke for lunch, Robbie dragged Gary into the bathroom. He checked every stall before pressing the smaller man against the sink. He leaned down and captured Gary’s lips with his own. Gary let his hands roam, and they found themselves under the waistband of Robbie’s shorts, gripping his arse cheeks.

The sound of the door opening caused both of them to look up, but it happened so suddenly that neither could move. Jason took one look at the sight of his bandmates and turned around and left. He popped his head back in quickly and said, “I am very happy for you two!” before disappearing again.

The lovers’ giggles soon turned back into kissing.

“How the hell am I supposed to dance with a hard-on?” Robbie pondered.

Gary removed a hand from his shorts and pushed him firmly back into one of the stalls. He moved his other hand to the front of Robbie’s shorts and gripped his erection through his briefs. Spurred on by Robbie’s moan, he reached inside the briefs and tugged on his member. He let his fingers explore every vein, every dip, and every curve until the taller man was thrashing his head around.

“Gaz,” he gasped desperately.

“I’ve never touched another man’s cock before,” Gary explained his wonderment. “Feels different.”

“Feels different when you wank them off too,” Robbie said suggestively.

Gary took that as permission to grip the erection firmly and proceeded to move his hand back and forth.

Robbie threw his head back and suppressed a moan. The noise that came out of him was somewhere between a whimper and a cry.

Gary grazed the exposed neck with his teeth followed by a soothing touch from his tongue, eliciting a throaty “fuck” and hips jerking against him. Robbie’s hands were pawing against the stall trying to find something to grasp as his orgasm washed over him. He settled for fistfuls of Gary’s shirt. He came hard in his briefs and across Gary’s hand.

“Well, I guess I’m going commando the rest of the day,” he laughed.

“I think I might be too,” Gary said bashfully. It was then that Robbie saw where Gary’s other hand had gone.

“I could have taken care of that for you.”

“No,” Gary said with a kiss. “This was perfect. Now, let’s get cleaned up and make sure we didn’t scar poor Jason for life.”

“Yes, Captain.”


	14. Chapter 14

As the tour started, their sexual encounters hadn’t progressed past the occasional handjob, much to Robbie’s frustration. He knew it was all still very new to Gary, but patience was not one of Robbie’s virtues.

Gary was also acutely aware of what their abstinence was doing to them both. In the chaos of the tour, they didn’t have much time to themselves. Whenever they did manage to find a moment alone together, their kisses were growing needier, their groping more fervent. It wasn’t enough anymore, and he was terrified of Robbie losing interest.

It didn’t help that Robbie had inadvertently set some high expectations for him.

“Remember back when I was ridiculously in love with you in the 90’s?” he asked one night between kisses. “I used to fantasize about being right here.” He ran a hand down Gary’s inner thigh, eliciting a guttural moan from the older man. He kissed his way from Gary’s cheek to his ear, and whispered seductively. “I used to imagine you holding me down in bed and making me yours or pressing me against the door because you were so eager to have me. You knew every last spot on my body that would make me scream your name.”

Gary gulped and shuddered. “I wouldn’t mind learning those spots now,” he said shakily.

Robbie flipped them so that Gary was on top. “Feel free to explore.”

The blonde ducked his head down and licked and nipped and took note of the areas that made Robbie arch against his mouth. When he reached Robbie’s cock, he hesitated. He’d never gone down on a man before.

Robbie must have sensed his apprehension because he propped himself up on his elbows and spoke with a gentle voice. “Hey, it’s okay. We can just go back to kissing.”

Gary was sure he could hear the disappointment in his voice. “I just…”

Robbie pulled him back up. “It’s okay,” he repeated. “I don’t mind.”

Gary minded. He knew he wanted this. He just didn’t know how to go about it.

Weeks later, when he finally found himself ready to take the next step, to feel Robbie writhing beneath him, the timing was never right. They were either on their way to the next arena or too exhausted to move. Gary was certain it shouldn’t be this hard seduce Robbie Williams.

The time came when all the stars aligned. They had exactly two days off, exactly enough time to fly home, sweep Robbie off his feet, make love to him all night, and return to the other side of the country for the next show. Gary planned the day perfectly - a picnic in the garden followed by a bubble bath, a candlelit dinner, and dessert in the bedroom. The only wildcard he couldn’t plan for, of course, was Robbie.

When they arrived at Gary’s house in London, Robbie went upstairs to shower while Gary prepared their lunch. After Gary had finished putting together their sandwiches and slicing up fruit, he went in search of the pop star.

“Rob, lunch is… oh.” Gary couldn’t help but stare. Fresh out of the shower, Robbie’s naked body was still wet and glistening.

“Just give me a minute to dry off and get dressed.”

Gary closed the distance between them and sucked on the droplets of water running down Robbie’s neck. He could feel the water soaking through his clothes as he pressed his body against Robbie’s.

“Gaz…”

Gary silenced him with a kiss. He led Robbie by the hand to the bedroom and laid him down on the bed. Gary watched the younger man’s eyes darkened with lust as he slowly undressed himself. He laid himself on top of Robbie and ground their hips together.

“Fuck, yes!”

“Is that what you want?” Gary asked shyly.

Robbie spread his legs in response. Gary scrambled to grab a bottle of lube and a condom from the bedside table. He stopped to survey each item in his hand, not exactly sure where to start.

Sensing his hesitation, Robbie spoke softly. “Slick up your fingers and put one in me,” he explained.

Gary did as he was told. He gasped as his first finger went in. Robbie was tight, tighter than he had imagined.

“Now a second one.”

Gary wasn’t sure how he would fit another finger, but Robbie took him in and moaned. He moved his fingers around and watched as the man beneath him squirmed.

“Another.”

“Rob…” This couldn’t be comfortable for him. Gary pushed a third finger in.

Robbie screamed, but Gary couldn’t tell if it was from pain or pleasure or both.

After a momentary pause, Robbie nodded at him. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Rob, I don’t think…”

Robbie pushed himself back against the fingers. “Now.”

Gary hastily rolled on the condom and slathered on more lube for good measure. He lined himself up and slowly pushed in, gasping as he made it past the ring of muscle. He stopped, partially to let Robbie adjust and partially so that he wouldn’t come too soon.

“You’re so tight,” he uttered in pure bliss.

“Gaz, move,” Robbie urged. He was gripping the sheets tightly, bracing himself for the pain and the pleasure.

Gary closed his eyes and slowly pulled out and pushed back in. After a few more thrusts, he heard a sharp intake of breath. Afraid that he had hurt his lover, his eyes popped open and searched his face for any sign of discomfort. All he could see was Robbie’s mouth wide open as he moaned in ecstasy.

“Do that again!” he begged. Gary obliged. “Oh, god, yes! Harder!”

Gary continued, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic as they both got closer and closer to the edge.

“I love you,” Gary panted as he slammed once more into Robbie and gripped his hips as he climaxed. Robbie followed soon afterwards with Gary jerking him between their abdomens.

Gary laid down next to Robbie, still trying to catch his breath.

“That was amazing!”

Robbie darted his eyes over at him and grinned. “Did you say lunch was ready? I think I might have worked up an appetite.”

Gary brought their picnic up and spread it out on the bed. They kissed lazily between bites of food and let their hands roam freely.

“I meant it,” Gary said out of the blue. “I love you.”

Robbie nodded. “I know.”

Gary giggled. “Did you mean to make a Star Wars reference?”

The younger man rolled his eyes. “No, but if it makes you happy…”

Gary took his hand. “You make me happy. And you don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know - I love you.”

Robbie sighed. He pulled a blanket across his naked body. This probably wasn’t a conversation they should be having while naked in bed together. “Do you remember what you said to me when I told you I was in love with you twenty years ago?”

Gary looked down. “I was an idiot back then.”

“You said, ‘Rob, you’re in a boyband. Half the country wants to sleep with you; the other half thinks you’re a tosser. Which half do you think I’m in?’”

Gary flinched at the memory of that conversation. “I shouldn’t have been so careless with your feelings.”

“Everyone I’ve ever loved, except for my mum and sister, has broken my heart, you included. You know I care about you. I just can’t open myself up to be that vulnerable again.”

Gary pulled him close. “I won’t do that again, I promise.”

Robbie laid his head against Gary’s chest. “Let’s just enjoy this time together.”


	15. Chapter 15

They rejoined the others the next evening. Howard pulled Gary aside after dinner.

“Did you two have fun these past two days?” he asked carefully.

“Yeah, we did.”

“Then why do you look so miserable?”

“I told him I loved him,” Gary explained. “He didn’t say it back. After everything that’s happened, he’s afraid I’m going to hurt him again, and he’s got every right to feel that way. I didn’t exactly let him down gently before.”

“Well, prove to him that you’re in it for the long haul.”

“How do I do that?” Gary asked helplessly.

“I don’t know. You’re the king of romance. Didn’t you have the whole two days planned out, candlelit dinner and everything?”

Gary blushed. “We shagged against the kitchen counter. I burned the steaks,” he admitted.

Howard wolf whistled. “You mean that wasn’t enough to get an admission of love?”

“Shut it.”

“Give him time. Show him how much he means to you. And for god’s sake, don’t write him a love song!”

Gary turned a deeper shade of red.

“You already wrote one, didn’t you?”

“Just the first verse and the chorus.”

Howard crossed his arms.

“And part of the middle eight.”

“Bloody hell!”

Gary went up to his hotel room to find Robbie. The room was empty. He peered up and down the corridor for his lover to no avail. Walking up to Mark’s room, he raised his hand to knock but stopped when he heard familiar voices behind the door, one in obvious distress. He pressed his ear against the door.

“What do I do, Marky?”

“Tell him how you feel.”

“I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“What if he doesn’t love me back the same way?”

“He already said he loves you.”

“It’s not the same. He’s the love of my life!”

“Don’t be so dramatic about it.”

“He is, and he has the ability to destroy me all over again if I let him.”

Gary took a step back. Rob was terrified of losing control. That was something he of all people could understand, but it made him more determined than ever to prove to Robbie what he meant to him.


	16. Chapter 16

The tour continued, and Gary continued showering Robbie with love and attention.

“You don’t have to keep buying me flowers. We get tons of them thrown at us every night.”

“Where do you think I get them from?” Gary said with a wink.

“Cheeky beggar!” He pulled Gary down on top of him. “You grabbed my arse again during the group hug tonight. Sooner or later someone’s going to notice.”

Gary grabbed his arse. “I was hoping you’d be the one to notice.”

They made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms. However, Gary awoke in the middle of the night to an empty bed.

“Rob?” he called out. He heard a groan from the bathroom and jumped out of bed. He found Robbie on the floor of the bathroom with his head leaning against the toilet seat. “Babe, are you okay?”

“I don’t think that dinner tonight agreed with me,” came a weak reply.

Gary picked up a towel and wet it. He knelt down and wiped Robbie’s face clean. “Let’s get you back to bed,” he said with a kiss on the side of his head. He pulled the taller man up and led him back toward the hotel bed. He brought the bin to the bedside and rubbed gentle circles into Robbie’s back. “I’m right here if you need anything. I'm just going to make some calls.”

When Robbie finally woke up, it was noon. He looked up to see Gary typing away at his laptop. The blonde smiled at him when he shifted to lay his head beside the computer.

“You gave me quite a scare there. How are you feeling?”

“Queasy. We need to get ready to head over to the arena. I might not be able to dance tonight, but I couldn’t before anyways!”

Gary shook his head. “Already rescheduled the show. The doctor’s already been by as well. You’re supposed to take one of these anti-nausea tablets every four to six hours.” He held up a prescription bottle and shook it. “There’s porridge from room service over there if you’re hungry and some tea right here.” He pointed at the mug on the nightstand.

Robbie cuddled closer. “You take such good care of me, Captain.”

“Someone has to,” Gary said, placing a kiss on top of his head. “Let me just finish this email about the show tonight, and we’ll get you sorted out.”

Robbie was already drifting back asleep, but Gary heard him mumble something as he let out a long breath. He sat back and grinned.

“I love you too, Rob,” he replied to the sleeping figure.


	17. Chapter 17

“You love me,” Gary purred into Robbie’s ear once he saw him stirring.

“Do I?”

“You said so, right before you fell asleep.” Gary nipped at his earlobe.

“I’m sick, not in my right mind,” Robbie reasoned, but his grin said it all.

“Are you feeling better? You slept all day.” He let his hand wander.

“Much. Thanks.”

“Now about that L-word you dropped earlier…”

Robbie laughed nervously. “I love you, Gaz. You know I do. It scares the shit out of me, but it’s been you since I was 16 years old.”

Gary’s fingers danced along the French tattoo on his chest. “I love you too, Rob. I’m sorry it took me 20 years to realize it, but I promise to spend the next 20 years making it up to you.” He dropped his head and sucked at Robbie’s collar bone. “In fact, why don’t I start right now?”

Robbie pulled him closer. “Sounds like a great idea.”

End.


End file.
